Merry Gay Christmas, everyone!!! On this week’s episode, we discuss some Mormon urban legends in honor of spooky season (which is always) as we learn how to properly greet a ghost, how Cain became Bigfoot, and all about Ole Port himself, Orrin Porter Rockwell.

AaaAAAaaa presents to us this week’s libations:

We’re already tipsy by the time Moroni introduces us to the legend of the Liahona, and then AaaAAAaaa pipes back in with a dumb story about a headless push-up.

Abish educates us on what to do in case of an emergency ghost encounter (you know, that thing that happens all the time) so you don’t get punk’d by the Devil, the Biblical origins of Bigfoot, and then AaaAAAaaa pipes back in with a dumb story about Bigfoot’s gay albino brother, Toby Buttlove.

Abigail regales us all with the tale of the Old West outlaw Orrin Porter Rockwell, how Orrin was the original Joseph Smith super fan, and how that somehow later gained him some super powers apparently. Fortunately, like all good heroes, he gave up his powers in favor of drinkin’, cussin’, and makin’ wigs for widows.